11 Mar 2013


So I finally did it and I feel happier and less stressed, my anxiety levels have dramatically decreased and  I can now focus on what really matters in life.

I dont know if I mentioned this before but I work nightshifts in Sainsburys from 11pm till 7am three nights a week and combine that with Uni I really didn't divide it out to well. I wasn't attending uni as much as I should have been because I was tired all the time, and when I did go I was half asleep in lectures. With exam and essays deadlines closely approaching I decided my best option was to focus solely on my university work and my best option was to quit work and get on with my mountain of assignments.

About two weeks ago was when I first decided to quit and it really was a daunting experience to tell my manager what my plans were. First I didn't know how to tell him, and second I didn't know how he was going to react. I couldn't sleep for days with worry and I was becoming more and more increasingly anxious. This weight on my shoulders was becoming more and more heavy and I just had to grab the bull by the horns and do it. I told my mum my worries and she said something which strangely made me a little more relaxed about the situation (well as relaxed as I could be), she said

'Your just a number to them'

and although it doesn't really mean a lot it actually made me less scared to tell him I was quitting, but still not calm enough to stop worrying.

It was Saturday and my shift was closely approaching, it was today that I planned to get it over and done with so that I could have a clear mind. I decided I would go in and straight away tell my manager what i was planning to do, but when I say him I became increasing more anxious and he could probably tell from the look on my face that I was worried about something and when he asked me was I ok, instead of me saying no and telling him I wanted to quit to focus on uni, I said 'yeah, I'm fine thanks'. I was so annoyed with myself, why couldn't I just speak up!

As the night went on, I played over in my head what I was going to say, and imagined different scenarios and how I could deal with it, but this made me more scared and soon that worry turned into terror. I don't know what I react like this, but i really hate this feeling. I eventually decided to tell him when my shift was over. The night dragged on and the 8hour shift seemed more like a 16hour shift it went on for so long. Eventually it was 7am and I went to the cloakroom to get my stuff, as I was coming down the stairs my heart was beating really fast, and my mind was racing. It was now or never and If I didn't do it know I would hate myself for it!

As I reached the bottom of the stairs, my manager was approaching me and Before he could say anything I just blurted it out, I had to, it was the only way. I told him I had to quit to focus on uni, and that Im becoming more and more worried about failing my degree. I told him that if I don't quit I fear failing university and I need to focus on my future. He seemed a little taken back but said that If I wanted to quit then I had to hand in my 1weeks notice, He seemed to understand though, and as I was walking away I began to wonder why I worked myself up so much for something that wasn't a big deal to begin with. I guess I really do make mountains out of molehills, i'm defiantly going to work on this, and this whole experience has taught me to not worry as much as I do because really theres no point in worrying it just makes things a whole lot worse than they actually are.

So I handed in my notice, and now have two shifts left. I feel so much more happier about myself and although I still have other concerns to deal with such as 'How the hell am I going to complete all this coursework in time', I no longer have to restricted time constrains to do it in, and can focus my entire attention to it.

I feel so much better now I've let all that out of my system.

Thanks for reading,
Rachel Ward

1 comment:

  1. Well done, change is exciting. I hope it all works out for you x